Perhaps one of the most heated debates I hear people get into (regarding sports, that is) is what constitutes a “sport.” While the Merriam Webster dictionary defines a sport as “a source of diversion: recreation” (in which case knitting, shopping and, ahem, relations could be considered sports), the modern day definition is definitely one that molds to each person. My boyfriend and I, for example, agree to a certain point and then, inevitably, gymnastics gets thrown on the board and it’s all out verbal assault warfare, every man for themselves. I think gymnastics is a sport. He thinks gymnastics is an “athletic activity.” What’s the difference? In gymnastics you win by a panel of human judges. To my boyfriend, this keeps an “athletic activity” from being a “sport” as there is no clear winner because human judges leave room for misinterpretation, error and bias. The same goes for figure skating, competitive cheerleading, ribbon dancing and the like. Because no one puts more balls/pucks in a basket/net or crosses more lines while holding a ball or plates, it is not a sport, but instead, an “athletic activity.”

Personally, I think the “athletic activity” category is rather moot. To me, there are sports, skilled competitive events and everything else. If you are an athlete, you compete in a sport. My boyfriend does not agree with this, as he considers gymnasts athletes, but not participants in sports. I disagree with the notion that a human judge discounts an activity as a sport. While I understand the argument, it could be extended to include baseball, football, hockey and basketball (and many other tried and true sports) as there are human umpires and referees who, despite what I told my girls while coaching, can occasionally have an impact on the outcome of an event. It also would discount boxing, except for in the cases of knockouts. What are you supposed to do in that situation? Tell boxers they aren’t athletes unless they knock their opponent out cold? I don’t think so. Let me explain.

Here are my qualifiers for an activity to be considered a sport: one must exert a level of physical activity that results in multiple calories being burned as a result of using athletic ability, one must run the risk of injury during participation (this does not include car crashes, self-inflicted gun wounds, hooking yourself with a fish lure or any other kind of injury of this like), one must be engaging against another person/team (or multiple). That’s it, really. It makes it pretty clear for me, but I do have a hard time with golf. Golf clearly does not meet my qualifications. But, dang. Golf is freaking hard. Golf is a physical skill that you have to work for years to perfect. And then continue to work on it to not lose it. And walking 18 holes isn’t all that easy, I guess. And there’s the chance of tendinitis or pulling a muscle with the swing. Golf just may be my one exception to my rules. I’ll consider making a trade for ribbon dancing.

The following activities will never be considered a sport in my mind: NASCAR, hunting (unless you give the deer a gun or bow and arrow as well), fishing, pool (billiards), poker, bowling, archery, ping pong, darts or shuffle board. Before you assault me through your interweb ways, I think the previously listed activities all take skill, practice and time to reach a level of success while participating (or enough adult beverages…). However, there is little physical exertion in any of those activities, at least comparatively to the degree of other activities I would classify as a sport. For example, NASCAR vs. Gymnastics. In NASCAR, the driver will drive in extreme heat and at extreme speeds, making constant left turns while avoiding other drivers. Have you ever driven in downtown St. Louis in August? It’s close to the same thing. In gymnastics, while gymnasts may spend the same number of hours practicing and training as a NASCAR driver, the gymnast is flipping themselves in circle, mid-air, two to three times before landing. And sometimes they twist their bodies while flipping. And sometimes they jump and land in the EXACT SAME FOUR INCHES that is 49 inches off the ground. I rest my case.

Ribbon dancing, you meet my qualifications, but you’re treading on thin ice. ESPN, what the heck was going on a few weeks ago when you had some kind of video game tournament going on? And the suggestion of Tetris being in the Olympics is just, well, beyond my brain processing power.

What are your qualifiers? Is NASCAR a sport? Is ribbon dancing? Tetris? You tell me!