For today’s installment of Girls Guide to the Galaxy: Vixen Edition, I thought I’d try something a little different. A few weeks ago, I approached two friends of mine and asked them if they’d be interested in going on a date. And then document the experience from their unique perspectives so we can all take a look at the convergences and divergences that happen when two lovely, good-sport-type people go on a date. As you can see, my comments will be in italics. Holly and Dave’s comments are indicated by name.

Leading Up to the Date: Monday – Wednesday Night

Dave: It’s not everyday you receive a message on Facebook that says “Would you have any interest in going on a date with a woman and writing about it?”  How do you even answer that?  After a few transactions of digital correspondence, I finally threw my arms up and said “Fine, I’ll be your lab rat for the sake of humanity and all that is good in this cruel world”…or something like that.

I want it to be known that nowhere in this little enterprise did I refer to Holly or Dave as lab rats. They came up with that little gem on their own.

Holly: Saw Lauren tonight and she said the date is a go. Should be interesting! I’m a little intimidated by the whole thing – very public humiliation is a possibility. Must practice not saying stupid things.

Dave: During the day on Tuesday, I commented on a status update that Holly left on Facebook.  This eventually grew to a tug-of-war comment event about the perfections of bacon (No, it’s not weird). At first, there was nothing really mind blowing about our exchange of words until she mentioned that wherever we meet, she’d prefer it to be relatively quiet because she was hard of hearing. Whhooooaaa, Nelly… Being that I have a profound hearing loss in both ears, I can sometimes be defensive if someone attacks my weakness. Was this her way of being funny?  Turns out, Holly genuinely has a hearing disability similar to mine. My “care meter” just took a big spike upwards.  I kept it short given Lauren’s suggestion, so that we could keep our first meeting fresh and exciting, although I badly wanted to continue chatting with Holly to learn more about her auditory woes.

Holly: First chat with Dave on Facebook. After commenting back and forth on one of my posts, I decided to IM him. We decided to meet at Blueberry Hill in the Loop next Monday at 6:30. He also mentioned that he plans to attend the Girls Guide Relaunch party. Established that we are both hearing impaired which is a bit of a wacky coincidence, but clearly no biggie.

FYI, I merely suggested that pre-date activities be kept brief so that things would be new and fresh pre-date. I wanted them to have lots to talk about and the ability to be more neutral in their observations.

Lessons Learned: Common ground is always a good jumping off point. And jokes about potential sore spots aren’t okay. No witticisms about Rogaine if he’s bald, mmmkay?

The First Face to Face: GGG Relaunch Party, Thursday Night

Dave: I was meeting Holly for the first time tonight. I didn’t spot Holly right away, but I got the classic <finger pointing> “Oh haaay!” from my lab rat handler. Eventually, Lauren made her way over to say hi and the nervousness set in again as I was reminded that Holly was warned I was present.  It quickly became the topic of conversation at the table. (The topic of conversation was, for the most part, about mutual acquaintances, past Tweetups and our various jobs. Don’t worry, Holly, we weren’t talking about you the whole time!) Holly and I finally made eye contact. There were some tweets that went back and forth between other folks that were there about whether or not I should walk up to her or not; the consensus was that I should. I made my way to the booth where Holly was standing.  We shook hands and made small talk.  My first reaction was “You sure do wear a lot of makeup.” It eventually dawned on me though; there was a woman giving facial makeovers at this event and Holly had been given some extra touches.

Holly: The party is going full force. I went inside to chat with friends and use the bathroom. Lauren appears out of nowhere and informs me that Dave is here. Oh, sh**! Suddenly, I am feeling super nervous.  What do I say? Do I go over and say hello? Let him come to me? Not long after I returned we caught each other’s eye. A quick wave and a lot of blushing from me. He’s cute. Looks like his pictures. A few minutes later I check the GGG Twitter account and Dave has posted from his phone and wonders aloud if he should come talk to me.  Lauren pops in and tells me to go talk to Dave. I’m suddenly feeling shy. Lauren and I chat and I put on obnoxious red lipstick to leave a smooch print on her cheek. Why? Hell, I dunno, it made sense at the time. The important part to note is that I forgot about the obnoxious red lipstick which I had not wiped off when Dave finally decides to make his approach. Nice. Hooker lips. The first live chat went well.

Lessons Learned: Both men and women question themselves on protocol, as evidenced by Holly’s nervousness and Dave’s tweeting. And apparently, we ladies must keep the face paint a bit shy of drag queen territory. Natural is good.

The Countdown Begins: Friday – D-Day (Or Date Day. Whatever)

Dave: In the days leading up to the date, Holly and I had a few replies, retweets, Facebook comments, etc. A few things that kept me interested in the date though were her hearing issues and the fact that she was also a single parent. While there may not have been a lot pulling us together emotionally there also wasn’t anything tearing us apart either.

Holly: A little chatting via Twitter, but nothing too big. Trying to keep communication to a minimum per Lauren’s request. (SUGGESTION, Holly! Y’all make me sound like the Date Nazi!) I see his updates fly by on Twitter and Facebook. Snooped on his Facebook page and checked out the photos, he’s cute!

Lesson Learned: Social media rocks when you’re trying to get to know someone!

The Day We’ve All Been Waiting For – Monday

Dave: I arrived a few minutes before our scheduled time and called her to let her know I would wait outside for her.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed her walking up.  I immediately felt under dressed and was worried I’d look like a slob. She looked very nice though.  As she got closer, the first thing I noticed…she wasn’t wearing a lot of makeup. This was a good sign.

Holly: We arrive at Blueberry Hill at about the same time, him first. I spot him as I’m walking up – he looks great!

Lesson Learned: Dave was insecure about his appearance and Holly thought he looked great. We’re always tougher on ourselves than others’. Read: I don’t have to mess with my hair anymore!

It didn’t take long after sitting down for us to start talking, which is good, because I really hate the awkward pauses. Then I was caught off guard. During our review of the menu, Holly had mentioned that it takes a lot for her to consider someone a jerk.  In passing, I said it wouldn’t be the first time, not really expecting a response.  So as the server is walking away from taking our order she says “When was the last time you were called a jerk?”  Whoa!  That’s intense…being put on the spot is not something I was ready for, but I thought hard and was able to remember the last time. We carried on into normal conversation. There was a good flow going on.

Lesson Learned: Holly was just trying to make conversation, but the pointed question is not always a good way to lead. And heavy discussions suck in early stages. Keep it light and keep it even. No monologues allowed. Luckily, Holly and Dave are both great at conversation.

Dave: Our food had arrived but nothing changed. The chatter continued on while we consumed our dinner.  As our discussions went on, I felt more and more comfortable.

Holly: Dinner lasted a couple hours. Conversation with Dave is very natural, not forced – nice back and forth without any awkward pauses. Dave and I have quite a bit in common in terms of general values and parenting.  He did over-share a little regarding a fairly recent date, but it wasn’t a huge deal, I just didn’t really know what to say in response. Overall, I’d say dinner was a total success.

Dave: Holly decided she was ready to go for a walk.  We started on our trek down Delmar but the journey took a detour behind Bread Company.  She said she wanted to take me on her secret pathway. Our voyage was so much fun!  We talked and talked the whole time, but the more we talked the more I felt like we were just old friends.

Holly: After dinner, we hit Starbucks and went for a long walk. I took him on the “secret” path from the Loop to Wash U. We walked around campus, I gave him the nickel tour. Conversation stayed easy. I wasn’t really wanting to wrap things up but I was running out of campus to tour, so I started us back on the path to the Loop.

Dave: As we walked back toward Delmar, I realized that Holly felt more like an old friend than a girlfriend. The nice thing with Holly though, is that I’m not really worried about impressing her.  She never made me feel like this date had to end with a kiss or that she was would be completely distraught if I didn’t ask her out again right away. I felt comfortable. As we stood next to her car and finished off the night, we hugged. I came with no expectations, but I left feeling like Holly and I would, if nothing else, continue to be social media pals and occasional buddies at a Cards game.

Holly: He walked me back to my car where we chatted for probably another half an hour and swapped stories about our various injuries and accidents that was pretty damned funny.  There was some awkward tension building up, which makes me talk incessantly like an idiot – wasn’t really sure how to end things. Should we hug? Kiss? Shake hands? Dave made the first move and said he needed to hit the hay. Gave me a nice, long hug, promised to be kind and said he’d “Tweet me later” which made me giggle ‘cuz it sounds so funny.  When I got home he sent me a message on Twitter and thanked me for a great time. This much I do know – I really enjoyed his company and I look forward to getting to know him better.

 

Lesson Learned: Playing it cool can be a good thing, particularly at the first few meetings. But intentions on both sides need to be clear!

Thanks so much, Dave and Holly, for being so adventurous! I trusted that you would share your experiences candidly and in a fun, entertaining way and you delivered in spades. And to you, dear reader, I’ll leave you with this… Lesson Learned: Never rule anything out. Even a blind date suggested by some crackpot. You never know where love (or friendship) will strike!

 

P.S. If you are interested in taking part in a He Said/She Said or some other sexy scheme, shoot me an email at lauren@girlsguidetothegalaxy.com!