Ladies and Gentlemen (Yeah, all you dudes reading this… I see you!), it is time for another installment of He Said/She Said. Last month, we joined Holly and Dave on the epic tale that was their first date, so this time I thought I would find a couple that was slightly more established and ask them to lay bare their love lives.

This week, we meet Abby and Mike, a couple that has decided to take that next big step: living together. I asked them some questions and they were kind enough to not give me the finger. In fact, they have done a phenomenal job of honestly examining the reasons why two people in love decide to put up with each others’ smelly socks on a daily basis. As in last months’ post, Abby and Mike’s comments are denoted by name. My interjections are fancy – I’ll be in italics.

Q: How did you meet? How long have you been together?

Mike: At the point that we decided to go out for the first time, Abby and I had known each other for a few years through a pair of mutual friends. In that duration we had not spent any time together without at least one of the other girls, let alone just the two of us, nor had we really engaged in much beyond topical conversation and pleasantries.

In August of 2008, my band was playing a festival in the street outside of Pop’s Blue Moon, which from here on out will be lovingly referred to as “The Hippie Festival”. Upon arrival, I backed the van into the designated loading area and headed inside to get details on where we should load our equipment. When I reached the entrance I was greeted by a familiar face working admission. Abby was volunteering for LiveFeed who was manning the door that evening.

It had been awhile since Abby and I had seen each other. Having been a few months since the two girls who had introduced us had moved away, the opportunities for us both to be in the same place in the same time were few and far between at that point. And needless to say, it was a very pleasant surprise to see Abby at The Hippie Festival. Her welcoming smile had me fairly distracted for the rest of the night.

The Festival continued on and Abby and I shared many encounters throughout the night. Our conversation was freer than it had been in the past and I certainly found myself seeking her out in the crowd. She probably wouldn’t admit this, or blame it on having had a few drinks, but I’m pretty sure that she was seeking me out as well.

What started as an exchange about getting together as friends somehow became dinner and a movie.I picked Abby up in my 12-passenger van for our first date on August 19th, 2008 and going into this we both expected to not like each other beyond being friends. Nearly a year later, and now moved into our first apartment together, it’s amazing how wrong we were.

Abby: Mike and I met a few years ago through some mutual friends. It wasn’t an immediate love connection. Mike is a big flirt with all things female, so I never thought he was into me. At that time, he had long-term girlfriend and I had a long-term boyfriend. Our paths crossed occasionally but it was mostly a friendly, “hi there” kind of relationship for the first year or two. Then we both sort of disappeared into our own social scenes and didn’t see each other again until…

We ran into each other while at the Pop’s Blue Moon Festival. I was volunteering for Live Feed and his band was on the lineup. We were both relatively new to the dating scene and had an interesting discussion on our recent breakups. Again, Mike is a big flirt so I didn’t really think much of the chance meeting until he texted me later that night, asking if I wanted to make out. I think he was kidding? Either way, I told him “no”.

That text turned into several more texts over the next few days and before I knew it, we had a date lined up. It was strange to tell our mutual friends what was going down since we weren’t exactly the most predictable/expected couple. One friend’s response: “That *IS* bizarre”.

Our relationship was a bit rocky at first because I had made it a point to swear off men for awhile. But his persistence (and loads of patience!) paid off…we’ve been officially a couple since late October 2008.

Lessons Learned: It’s okay to look for love in the least expected of places. Mike and Abby wouldn’t have put themselves together and look at them now. Persistence is an admirable trait, as long as you don’t stray into Creepy Stalkertown. Also, men have selective memories. Mike, where is the mention of the “Let’s make out” text? ☺

Q: What made you decide to take the next step? Why now? Why this place?

Mike: We had discussed “living together” numerous times in the last few months but all of this talk was mainly idealized as “when we get our own place this…” and “when we get our own place that…” but none of it had made us ready to get out the Post and start circling listings. One day I received an email from Abby with a subject that read “let’s move” and a link to a Craigslist link that read “this place is awesome”. My response: “are you being serious?”.

That night we both decided to just check the place out. No harm in visiting, right? Immediately upon walking in the door we both fell in love with the place but I don’t think either of us knew it was the one until Abby whispered to me “there are plenty of places to hide here”. You see, this was our running “when we get our own place” joke that when one of us would come home, and the other was sick, we would know because they would be hiding. For both of us, this sealed the deal and we left our “just visiting” visit with the lease paperwork.

Abby: The decision to move in together was done pretty haphazardly…not in a bad way, just not as methodically planned as other major life decisions. I am an admitted Craigslist lurker – I like to know what is “out there” and for sale. I also like to peer into people’s windows and see how their home is decorated, but Craigslist is much safer and less invasive.

Soooooo I found this kickass apartment, located on Cherokee St. We had recently been down there for the Cinco de Mayo festival and I was thinking how cool it would be to live in that area. I emailed the posting to Mike (sort of like a “check this place out!”) and he was surprisingly excited about the apartment. Then it became a “let’s go check this place out…just for fun” situation.

Once we saw the apartment, it was not a question of “are we going to move in together” but “when are we going to live together in this cool place?

Lessons Learned: I’m a big fan of “when it feels right, it’s probably right.” Abby and Mike listened to their instincts and made a choice that was good for them. And sometimes, you know, you just find an apartment that is THAT awesome!

Q: Did you ever think that you’d live with someone who was not your wife/husband?

Mike: Did I desire to ever live with someone I loved? Absolutely! I’m certainly the sappy one in this relationship and I have always fantasized about how this progression would happen. I don’t know that I had determined a stance on the issue prior to making this decision with Abby BUT I can without a doubt say that it was her, not the apartment that gave me the courage to do this. I am madly in love with her and I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else.

Abby: Absolutely not! Up until recently I’ve been very open about the fact that I did not plan on living with someone before marriage. It certainly wasn’t a religious preference; rather, it was because of my background in social science. Studies show that cohabitating couples are much more likely to get divorced…if they end up getting married at all!

Mike is obviously an exception to a lot of my relationship rules! He’s extremely considerate and thoughtful- much more than I am! He has made it clear that we are a team and we can get through life’s problems together. There was no pressure on his part to make this next step, but his eyes lit up when I suggested we look at the apartment listing. Since then, he’s made this process a little less scary/stressful.

At the end of the day, I thought to myself, “Do I want to worry about pissing off my parents or breaking a rule I made a long time ago by moving in with a guy? OR do I want to live my life as an adult and move into a fabulous city apartment with someone I care about and take a big step in my life?” I chose the latter.

Lesson Learned: In love, you can surprise yourself. I am giving a major thumbs up to Abby for making the choice she thought she would never make. Because she is in love and that’s what you do. I’m having a major “AWWW” moment right now. Excuse me for a minute…

Q: How did your families/friends react to your news?

Mike: Both of our families were incredibly supportive of our decision to move in together. I did receive the obligatory “take care of my daughter” from her Father but that is to be completely expected. I know that if some nose-ringed kid was planning to cohabitate with my daughter, I’d certainly give him a stern, but loving, pat on the back.

Abby: Mike’s parents were pretty excited. He’s the oldest son and I think they were really pleased to see him “take the next step” with a girl. I also think they were excited that our “big news” was about an apartment, not a shotgun wedding ☺

My parents were a little more surprised by the news. I’m the youngest and their only daughter, so I’m sure they were a tad disappointed/sad. Once I explained that we made this decision together and that Mike and I are pretty serious, they were OK with it. My dad made it clear to Mike that if I got hurt, he wouldn’t be a happy camper.

Our friends were really excited! Again, I’ve been pretty vocal about not living with someone before marriage so it’s been a humbling/humorous experience for sure.

Lessons Learned: You’re not living in a bubble. Your choices affect not only you and your significant other, but those around you. Mike and Abby took that into account. I also have to say that daddies love their little girls and that is pretty effing cool!

Q: What compromises do you feel you will have to make? What about living together do you fear?

Mike: A big step like this is without a doubt an endeavor littered with apprehension, however I am confident that we have made the right decision. In the words of our mutual friend Marcia, “if you have a great thing going, why wait until a certain time to move to the next step?”, which I completely agree with. As far as compromises go, moving into a 1-bedroom apartment is going to come with them, regardless of whether or not you’re moving in with a girl. That said, I am going to have to get used to living with a cat, not leaving my dirty clothes all over the floor, slimming down the reach of my “personal space”, buying groceries instead of eating pre-packaged crap and most-of-all thinking for two when I make decisions. This means no more letting traveling bands sleep on my floor, cleaning up my dishes and most definitely looking behind me when I leave so the kitty doesn’t get out.

While I am certainly nervous that I will be able to live up the above, and more, I wouldn’t say that I fear the road ahead. I see Abby as my teammate and am excited to be taking this journey with her.

Abby: One of our biggest issues has to do with combining our personal items. I give Mike a hard time about the amount of “stuff” he has collected over the years. Am trying to relax and let him move whatever he needs into the apartment and we’ll deal with finding it a place. In return, he’s done a great job of purging items that he really doesn’t need right now.

Other than that, I’m sure we’ll have some difficulties getting used to each other’s living habits. The good news is that we’re both fairly aware there are more important things in life than arguments about gel hand soap vs. foaming hand soap or how to load the dishes in the dishwasher. We genuinely appreciate one another and are both committed to making this work.

Lesson Learned: Into every relationship, a little compromise must fall. Particularly when said relationship involves the massive amounts of boy crap our men amass. Word to the wise, guys – put the damn toilet seat down! And understand that sometimes, a girl just has to watch a rom com. You do that and we’ll overlook your need to play video games for 8 hours straight.

Q: What are you looking forward to about living together?

Mike: I think a new level of “growing up” is what I look forward to the most. Already I have learned so much from Abby about what it is like to make a life with someone and now we have a wonderful little family between me, her and our little kitty Shayna. Life is good.

Abby: Ok, this is going to sound cheesy but I am really excited to have Mike and my cat Shayna under the same roof! We make a cute little family ☺ He knows that I am slightly obsessed with Shayna and is totally OK with it, even if he is allergic to cats.

Also, the location of our apartment is perfect for a young couple. We’re right above a coffee shop, so walking downstairs to have a quick meal with friends is always an option, like an episode of “Friends”. It’s also a great hideout during a fight. We have several friends who live in the Cherokee neighborhood, so I’m looking forward to having people over for dinner and making more connections within the community.

Lesson Learned: I love what Mike had to say about making a life, it actually really touched me. Because they’re embarking on a journey together, one that will happen with cat in tow. Sidenote: this is the second time I have teared up while writing this. I’m officially grossing myself out…

Q: Final thoughts?

Abby: It’s funny because as I write this, Mike and I have had to move a little sooner than expected- we weren’t supposed to move to the new apartment until August, but a hostile roommate situation motivated us to get going a little bit sooner (fun!). I know that he’s a great guy/roommate worthy because he took charge of a craptacular situation and didn’t complain about it one bit. It’s good to know that I’m sharing my life with someone who cares about my safety and takes care of me from time-to-time. I like that…

You know, when I do these, I look for the glaring differences (hooker lips spring to mind). They’re easier to turn into comedy. But Abby and Mike didn’t give me much to work with. And I am thrilled about that! The thing that struck me most throughout this whole reading was how very on-the-same-page they are. They obviously respect and love each other very much. It’s be kinda nauseating, if it weren’t so damn cute. Best of luck, you two! And thanks so much for sharing with us.

And if YOU would like to share your very own He Said/She Said with the world, you can always drop me a line at lauren@girlsguidetothegalaxy.com!