Dear Wedding Industrial Complex,

We haven’t formally met yet, but my name is Annie. Annie – not to be mistaken for Push Over. Or Can’t Read Fine Print. Or So Blinded by Love that She Will Pay Anything to Get Married and Celebrate her New Marriage. Just Annie, thanks.

I’ll give you a little background on myself. I’m a midwesterner who pretty much can do without anything fancy. My fiancee proposed after convincing me to trespass through a cornfield. This is totally me in more ways than I can accurately describe. I like simple, thoughtful, fun things. I prefer lemonade over champagne. Mutts over pure breds. Hondas over Acuras. You get my drift…

Now that you know a little bit about me, I’m writing to inform you that I find you pretty insulting. Our search for a reasonably priced and sized wedding venue (either just for ceremony, just for reception or both) has been in full force for over two weeks now and we have yet to discover a venue is not completely devoid of personality and that meets my and my fiancee’s very basic needs. I don’t know when or how the market allowed you to do this, but I’m not about to pay $8 for faux pearl head pins from the wedding section when I can get the same pins for $4.50 in the sewing section. And while this is something I can avoid being over charged for, I’m finding there are other things that aren’t as flexible.

I have seen a chapel that is listed as being $25 an hour to rent. When I contacted them to ask for a booking, they informed me that if I was going to hold a wedding in the chapel, it would be $950 for three hours. For those of you without keen math skills, that’s a $875 increase in price. I don’t really feel comfortable lying about a use of a chapel, but I think Jesus would be pretty appalled by the mark up on a building meant to worship someone who preached not to judge people and to treat everyone the way you’d want to be treated. Just sayin’.

Having learned my lesson to keep my lips sealed about the details of my “event,” I forged on. My father found a gorgeous art-deco conference hall that was advertised as being for rent for $125 for a day. The location had an e-mail on their site (I would say that only 10-20% of places list an e-mail and even fewer list a price, which is a whole different letter). The person I was corresponding with would not give me details unless I explained what my event was. I broke. I can’t lie. It’s a wedding, I told her. The room jumped to 16 times the advertised price. SIXTEEN TIMES.

I had a separate venue tell us that we couldn’t do our own music, despite the fact that we had a music professional who was willing to our music for free (including equipment). We had to use their DJ to the tune of $550. Save money? Oh, please. We don’t let you do that!

We’re not looking for anything fancy. We want to get married in front of our families and our close friends and then be able to celebrate with them afterwards at a dinner we don’t have to prepare ourselves. I’m okay with making our wedding cake and actually like the idea, but many places I’ve looked at will charge me almost as much to bring in my own cake than for them to make it for me. Oh, and then several of those places want to charge us to serve it as well. In addition to charging us to serve dinner. We’re not foodies. We are okay with pretty traditional stand bys and don’t need food that a five year old can’t pronounce. I’m not enticed by flourishes and aromas and other fillers that caterers put on their websites. I want to eat your food with my family and friends and then dance, okay? No one remembers food at a wedding. Any one who goes to weddings to critique the food or the decorations or anything tangible really doesn’t have a place at our wedding, in my opinion. They should be remembering the people. That’s what’s important about a wedding AND a party anyway, right?

I hate to break it to you, Wedding Industrial Complex, but the bottom line is that I haven’t dreamt of my wedding day since I knew what a wedding dress was. In fact, I have an almost non-existent idea of what I want my dress to look like, to tell you the honest truth. And I don’t care if it’s David’s Bridal or Vera Wang. I really couldn’t care less as long as I feel good in the dress. You’re not going to pull one over me, but nice try.

One of the venues who actually e-mailed me back included something like this, “We are here to make sure your day is magical, just like you have always dreamed. Beautiful location, amazing food and details that will never be forgotten.” Thanks, but what will make my day “magical” will be my fiancee, my family and friends. What’s sad to me is that since you’ve been able to successfully market your shallow material objects to people everywhere who have forgotten that the real purpose of their wedding is to make a commitment to the person they love and want to share their life with, and then celebrate with their family and friends rather than throw a party that people are going to talk about for decades upon decades because the details were oh so amazing. It makes it pretty difficult for a normal person to find affordable options to choose from.

So, since you’ve thrown down the gauntlet with your $80/a person dinners and rental increases of 16 times the “anything but a wedding” price, I have no choice but to take on your challenge. I plan to leave you crying into one of your $8 dollar napkins.

Cheers!
Annie

Annie is the Sports and Fitness Editor for Girls Guide. She writes about all kinds of sports related topics and then really goes out and plays sports almost every evening. You can contact Annie by emailing her at annie [at] girlsguidetothegalaxy [dot] com, and we are still trying to talk her into getting a Twitter account – no success yet.